Tyler Knott Gregson - Tyler Knott Productions Brain Rain

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

I've been listening to this song called "Horses" by a band named The Be Good Tanyas, and falling in love with it. I could never understand what the lead singer was singing, so I wrote the band an email for the lyrics; a few days later I got a mail back from them, and I was informed there are no lyrics in the traditional sense, rather the singer was singing just vocal sounds, melodies, and emotions, but no words. At any rate, the song speaks to me, so I wrote my own lyrics to match her voice. I do not think I can express how difficult it is to write words that have to match as nearly perfect as possible to someones vocal sounds, all the while telling my story in the words I chose. Mentally and emotionally I've been dealing with a lot lately, learning a lot about myself, about what I need to do in the days, weeks, and months to come. When being introspective, some things are hard to admit, and some pills are hard to swallow, but if you're going to truly change the things that need changing, you have to swallow those pills, you have to admit those things.

I realized tonight, that I have been unfair to certain people in my life, and that I have been unfair to myself. For the past three days I have been employed as a painter in an apartment complex. For 6 or 7 hours a day I stand in a furnitureless apartment, alone, staring at blank walls trying to see the contrast of white on white. A lot of thinking is done in these conditions and as such, I've had more than a lot of time to sift through the thoughts. I came to the conclusion that the most dangerous people you can have in your life, are people who've yet to find out what it is they want, people who've yet to uncover who it is they are...I realized I have some of those people in my life, but what is scarier, I realized I Am one of those people. I think that for too long I've tried to shift blame in my life onto other people, onto one certain person especially, when in truth, a lot of the reasons I am where I am, are mine and mine alone. I came to the conclusion that while the actions of others have contributed to my current state-of-being, it is in fact I, who is in charge of it. Sometimes we love too much, sometimes love transforms itself into worry, jealousy, and even worse, anger. I've never been an angry person, never truly been a jealous man, but for some reason a few years back I forgot all of that. I slowly slipped away from the Tyler that I was so proud of discovering, and into something else, something darker, quieter, and more cynical. One thing those who know me most will agree on, I am not a cynic, if anything I am an annoying optomist; for some reason I can not quite pin down, I forgot that too, and began to see imperfections in imperfections, layers of wrong where I once saw only right. This, I am changing. So, I apologize to those I was unfair to, but at the same time, I was really unfair to myself. I have been unfair in that I've placed blame on myself for things that are beyond my control, things that have nothing to do with me, and things that were not done with the specific purpose of causing me pain. Sometimes I tend to forget that the people I care about, care about other things, and their cares do not supercede their care for me, nor do they replace it, and they certainly do not change it. I think it is a difficult thing to admit to yourself that it is time to let certain things go, and while the admitting is difficult, the doing is even harder. I am currently immersed in it, for I am tired of worrying, I am tired of being angry, and I am tired of feeling even the tiniest pang of jealousy. In short, I've lost myself, but now I am found. I didn't like the Tyler that peeked through certain areas of my life, in fact I wanted to kick his ass, so tonight, I did. He is one tough s.o.b. but I knew his weaknesses and I exploited them. I kicked his ass, and I feel good about it. I guess I swallowed the pills I needed to swallow, granted it took a big glass of water to get them down; I admitted the things I needed to admit, granted I whined the whole way there, but who ever said I had to be perfect...Only me. Tyler Durden on "Fight Club" said it best: "It's only after we've lost everything, that we're free to do anything."

So, the thing that really got the whole self-healing started, was this song, "Horses." I decided that while 99% of you don't have the song, which is a vital element to reading these lyrics, it is better to give you the words, than nothing at all. If you do have the song, or have access to it, please read the words as she sings the sounds on the song, it is so much richer. At any rate, here it is...One last note, any personal or private comments or thoughts about this massive blog, please email me rather than using the comment box, as I have no control over who reads, dissects, and analyzes the posts placed inside there. Now I present to you, "Numb" by Tyler Knott Gregson.

Numb

How cold.
I said, I’m lonely,
on the silent road that you paved
oh yeah you
You saw
that I’m sad,
but no word yet,
you’re numb…yeah.

Oh Sun
throw your light
on my caring soul
lost in black.
I’m so lonely,
you found me,
alone yeah,
but no word yet.
You’re numb…hey.

I’m Calling
out to the rain
I’m howling into
the false air
for you.
Love came
so long,
so long ago.

Oh I’m so far.
Go.
Don’t come
Please let me fall
I’m tired
of being so strong
You should’nt stop
my fall
It’s harder
Somewhere
I’m lying
alone.

(whispers the rest)
you’re numb
mmmmm
numb

eloquently said by

| 6:46 PM | | |

Saturday, November 01, 2003

Oompas

I Love Oompas. Enough said.

eloquently said by

| 12:48 AM | | |


Wednesday, November 26, 2003 Numb I've been listening to this song called "Horses" by a band named The Be Good Tanyas, and falling in love with it. I could never understand what the lead singer was singing, so I wrote the band an email for the lyrics; a few days later I got a mail back from them, and I was informed there are no lyrics in the traditional sense, rather the singer was singing just vocal sounds, melodies, and emotions, but no words. At any rate, the song speaks to me, so I wrote my own lyrics to match her voice. I do not think I can express how difficult it is to write words that have to match as nearly perfect as possible to someones vocal sounds, all the while telling my story in the words I chose. Mentally and emotionally I've been dealing with a lot lately, learning a lot about myself, about what I need to do in the days, weeks, and months to come. When being introspective, some things are hard to admit, and some pills are hard to swallow, but if you're going to truly change the things that need changing, you have to swallow those pills, you have to admit those things. I realized tonight, that I have been unfair to certain people in my life, and that I have been unfair to myself. For the past three days I have been employed as a painter in an apartment complex. For 6 or 7 hours a day I stand in a furnitureless apartment, alone, staring at blank walls trying to see the contrast of white on white. A lot of thinking is done in these conditions and as such, I've had more than a lot of time to sift through the thoughts. I came to the conclusion that the most dangerous people you can have in your life, are people who've yet to find out what it is they want, people who've yet to uncover who it is they are...I realized I have some of those people in my life, but what is scarier, I realized I Am one of those people. I think that for too long I've tried to shift blame in my life onto other people, onto one certain person especially, when in truth, a lot of the reasons I am where I am, are mine and mine alone. I came to the conclusion that while the actions of others have contributed to my current state-of-being, it is in fact I, who is in charge of it. Sometimes we love too much, sometimes love transforms itself into worry, jealousy, and even worse, anger. I've never been an angry person, never truly been a jealous man, but for some reason a few years back I forgot all of that. I slowly slipped away from the Tyler that I was so proud of discovering, and into something else, something darker, quieter, and more cynical. One thing those who know me most will agree on, I am not a cynic, if anything I am an annoying optomist; for some reason I can not quite pin down, I forgot that too, and began to see imperfections in imperfections, layers of wrong where I once saw only right. This, I am changing. So, I apologize to those I was unfair to, but at the same time, I was really unfair to myself. I have been unfair in that I've placed blame on myself for things that are beyond my control, things that have nothing to do with me, and things that were not done with the specific purpose of causing me pain. Sometimes I tend to forget that the people I care about, care about other things, and their cares do not supercede their care for me, nor do they replace it, and they certainly do not change it. I think it is a difficult thing to admit to yourself that it is time to let certain things go, and while the admitting is difficult, the doing is even harder. I am currently immersed in it, for I am tired of worrying, I am tired of being angry, and I am tired of feeling even the tiniest pang of jealousy. In short, I've lost myself, but now I am found. I didn't like the Tyler that peeked through certain areas of my life, in fact I wanted to kick his ass, so tonight, I did. He is one tough s.o.b. but I knew his weaknesses and I exploited them. I kicked his ass, and I feel good about it. I guess I swallowed the pills I needed to swallow, granted it took a big glass of water to get them down; I admitted the things I needed to admit, granted I whined the whole way there, but who ever said I had to be perfect...Only me. Tyler Durden on "Fight Club" said it best: "It's only after we've lost everything, that we're free to do anything." So, the thing that really got the whole self-healing started, was this song, "Horses." I decided that while 99% of you don't have the song, which is a vital element to reading these lyrics, it is better to give you the words, than nothing at all. If you do have the song, or have access to it, please read the words as she sings the sounds on the song, it is so much richer. At any rate, here it is...One last note, any personal or private comments or thoughts about this massive blog, please email me rather than using the comment box, as I have no control over who reads, dissects, and analyzes the posts placed inside there. Now I present to you, "Numb" by Tyler Knott Gregson. Numb How cold. I said, I’m lonely, on the silent road that you paved oh yeah you You saw that I’m sad, but no word yet, you’re numb…yeah. Oh Sun throw your light on my caring soul lost in black. I’m so lonely, you found me, alone yeah, but no word yet. You’re numb…hey. I’m Calling out to the rain I’m howling into the false air for you. Love came so long, so long ago. Oh I’m so far. Go. Don’t come Please let me fall I’m tired of being so strong You should’nt stop my fall It’s harder Somewhere I’m lying alone. (whispers the rest) you’re numb mmmmm numb eloquently said by \| 6:46 PM \| \| \| Saturday, November 01, 2003 Oompas I Love Oompas. Enough said. eloquently said by \| 12:48 AM \| \| \|	Tyler Knott Productions Tyler Knott Photography Vimeo Tumblr Twitter Clutch Del.icio.us MySpace Last.fm LinkedIn Resumé Atom Feed Twitters follow me on Twitter Horizon Expanders McGraw Donovan Dave Morin Flickr Blog Jaymie Keller Kevin Casey Nate Warner Rachel Hoffenberg Sarah Joelle Sarah Joelle's Music My Photography Past Downpours Copyright This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.