Friday, March 28, 2003


Imagine yourself searching for someone who has always been lost to you, in a world that does not make sense
without them.
A world with misshapen clouds, skies that are always the wrong color, and winds that blow so hard your skin feels loose against your bones.
You are alone.

Now,
Imagine that you've been searching for so many years, that time has circled back on itself and clocks twist their hands to catch up.
You are walking alone on rain starved earth, you thirst like you have never tasted water and your throat is coated in sand.
And then, half buried beneath a wind blown dune,
you see a photo.
When you bend to pick it up, the breeze lifts and carries it away, you run to it but your legs are heavy, the sand deep.

You catch it.
In this white photo, a pink dress, a smile, blonde hair in curls and a look of happiness.
Someone who for some reason makes you feel better, makes you feel safe and sane and free;
and then, inside the boundries of the photo's frame, the person moves.
They look to you, their eyes read you and they slowly whisper.
They comfort you, and they say sweet nothings that somehow make the clouds look soft,
and the sky blue again.
Now, they make you cry, and your tears burn your cheeks...it's been so long since you've let yourself.

Now,
imagine,
all you want to is just to know what she smells like, the softness of her hair on your palm,
how she laughs, how her tears feel dripping on your shoulder,
or how far her fingers can wrap around your hand when you walk together.
Imagine that you can't,
and you look up and you realize the clouds are still jagged, and the sky still muddy colors that do not belong.

Alone, you realize that standing between you and those feelings, is the glossy cover of a photo.
A boundary of gelatin, images of silver halide.
She is smiling at me, a calm inside a world of wrong;
but I cannot touch her.

I wake up with tear stained eyes, and a breath I can not catch.

--My Dream Last Night--