Sunday, February 22, 2004


This life is fleeting; the moments of the hours, the hours of the days pass us in a whisper's breath and then we return to dust. I am trapped inside this hour of this day, swimming in my own discontent.

Questions have presented themselves to me, but the answers still remain hidden. I am home but I am waiting, ready to take the next step but I can not find my feet. I can hear time passing me, I can almost feel the minutes flying past, leaving nothing but the wind of its travel to touch my face. Ready but waiting? Waiting for what? I do not know where to go, I do not know what to do, but for some reason not knowing is not scaring me. In my mind the step has been taken and in my dreams I'm already there, but when I open my eyes I am stuck in transition. This is the hour of my discontent. People from the past rush around me, some leave, some stay, and still more questions remain. Was I loved? Was I a bump in some road they've always been traveling? Was I time well spent? Time well spent; spent? Am I spent, paid for and used, am I the damaged product that can not be returned? I do not know, but my lack of knowledge stirs the discontent, boiling it to the surface and reminding me again I am swimming inside it.

I sit alone and look at pictures I have taken over the years and all I feel is an intense disconnectedness. The places I've been, the people I've met, and the things I've seen all swirl together and melt into who I am today, but when I try to think back on them they feel like an episode of some TV show I used to watch, scattered images of a scattered life. Does this happen to everyone that has left and come back only to wait to leave again? Does this feeling that it all never happened, but was a really good dream course through the veins of all travelers? I have become those scattered images, I live the scattered life, and I am pieces of a puzzle that paint a picture I've never seen. The places I've been tell me nothing of the places I'll go; the things I've done haven't yet caught up to effect what I'm doing, or even what I'll do. When will karma smack me in the face and point me in the right direction; I've earned it.

All in all, I am not content with where I am, and I am not content with the world I live in. Why are we wasting time and energy deciding whether or not people of the same sex can marry? Who are we to regulate love or the expression of it; when did our society decide that the lives of others can be altered with a preconceived notion, with a foregone conclusion? Why are we so afraid to accept people as they are; where does this fear come from that leaked into our country, our world? I realize that total acceptance is a goal that will never be realized, and that there will always be rifts between people for whatever reason, but for goodness sakes, when will tolerance become a reality and not a cause that has to be picketed or demonstrated. Free Will...when did the "religious" of our country forget that no matter what the Bible says, we all have free will, it is what makes us human, the ability to decide our own fate, and to walk our own path. Believe what you will, but the Bible was written by man; divinely inspired I agree, but written by the hands of men, scrutinized and debated, and finally collected into an amazing work. Believe what you will, but the Bible was written during a much different time, by people living in a very different world; why today, do people in this country try to control the love felt by two people and their ability to express it, with words written in ink long since faded, on pages long since torn.

Perhaps it is hard for me to know exactly where I fit in, because in reality I do not even know where anyone fits in anymore. Where do we all go today, our society has come so far, but things pop up to remind me every day that we've so much further to come. I do not know where I fit in because I do not know if I even want to. It is a scary thought to be completely void of an understanding as to what it is you offer this world, what you contribute, and what piece of this strange puzzle you are. I have yet to take the first step into my new life, but I am more than ready to, funding is my only lack. Funding, leads me to bringing up something I need feedback on, so please take a few minutes and help me do some market research. The question is this: If I were to publish a book, a real book that you can hold in your hand to read, dog ear the pages, and set in your bathroom, of all of my poetry, do you think it would sell? I know my close friends and family would buy a copy out of obligation, or perhaps true interest, but the question I am asking is if it has any commercial marketability. If I were to do this, my book would be available online at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble and a slew of others, and after awhile, if it sold, would be available in retail stores. I just need to know ya'lls opinion, Would It Sell? Please Comment, or email me and let me know your opinion. Thank you.